Which Heroes Could Have Saved the Titanic?

Stoner Conversation Starter

I heard a conversation on this topic a couple of years ago on the Sirius Xm show The Bonfire. I not only found it hilarious, but it was genuinely interesting as well. Which fake character with super powers could save a historic disaster? I feel high just thinking of the question.

Sorry in advance for my lack of knowledge in this area. I enjoy it greatly, but I’m somewhat surface level when it comes to this stuff. Sorry if there’s some obscure “Titanic Man” I’ve never heard of. I will keep it at two characters per group for the sake of enjoyable reading. Remember: this doesn’t matter. Enjoy!

Hard to Believe

These superheroes, while beloved, have no chance at success, in my humble opinion.

Wolverine

While an amazing hero, Logan can only do so much on a body of water, in my opinion. An often overlooked power of his is the ability to speak to animals. I don’t believe it matters what their species is. With that in mind, the possibility of getting help from the sea life is a possibility. Though, the barrier of the water makes it impossible to communicate properly. The adamantium that has been such a benefit becomes a hindrance in this instance. While Wolverine is said to be invulnerable, drowning becomes his downfall here. Assuming he is too heavy to swim hundreds of miles, he will sink to the bottom and drown.

Batman

I love Batman but I don’t think there is much room for discussion here. If rich bachelor Bruce Wayne were on the Titanic back in 1912, there is no technology available for him to utilize (i.e. Batwing). His martial arts will do nothing to save the ship. Maybe a batarang through the ship can help end the suffering quicker. Yikes, that’s dark.

It’s Possible

It could happen. Under the best circumstances, these people could (maybe) get it done.

Hulk

Hulk has unbelievable strength. The ship saving ability that comes to mind is his jumping. With the understanding that he can jump 3 miles, and knowing that the ocean is around 2 to 2 1/2 miles deep on average, he could reach the bottom, jump out with the ship, and advance a mile at a time. I’m not so sure that’s a reliable technique. His often overlooked ability to breathe underwater seems like the superpower to save everyone. Coupled with his super strength, he could carry the boat on his back and swim to safety. That is, if he can remain Hulk for long enough. Using the MCU Hulk, he is in a permanent state of well-balance Hulk body with Bruce’s mind. In that case, I think he gets it done.

Spiderman

The loveable web crawler and my favorite superhero of all time stands a chance. We’ve already seen our most recent iteration of Peter Parker save a ferry (with a little assistance). Although he struggled, if he digs deep, he can come through and save the Titanic. According to my research, Peter’s webs are waterproof. With this in mind, it would be possible to stop the leaks and keep the ship afloat to at least buy time.

Easily

No problemo.

Superman

Obviously. Must I go on? I don’t think there is any debate about how powerful the most famous superhero of all time is. Superman’s character has even been criticized for his lack of weaknesses. There’s little this man cannot do. Within a minute he can carry the sinking ship to safety.

The Flash

Being able to run a mile in a fraction of a fraction of a second makes The Flash extremely useful in this situation. At his speed, running on water is no issue. The only issue I could see would be stopping while on water. I’m not so sure of his quickness underwater. At the very least he could place people on a flat patch of ice if it’s big enough. Given the Titanic took nearly three hours to sink, I think it’s a given that he saves the day.

What do you think?

Damn that was nerdy. Where’s SpikeTV’s manly programming when you need it?

Got any suggestions to add? Disagree? Let me know!

Spiderman No Way Home: A Heroic Masterpiece

As mentioned in the title, SPOILERS FOR SPIDERMAN NWH WILL BE DISCUSSED throughout this article. Also, this is not a review but rather an exploration into my experience leading up to and after watching the movie.

A Rediscovery

Let me begin by stating that I forgot how much I love Spider-Man as a character. In fact, I forgot that he is my favorite superhero of all time. The Dark Knight trilogy of the last decade fooled me into believing Batman was the hero I needed. In reality, It’s been Peter Parker all along. While I do enjoy the Batman movies quite a bit, Spiderman NWH brought out a feeling in me that I haven’t felt in a long time: a childlike level of wonder and excitement.

The buildup to the release of the film had me like a kid on a playground discussing rumors and gossip about movies and video games with his friends. “Will Tobey and Andrew make an appearance? I hope it’s not a two second cameo! They have to fit the Spider-Men pointing at each other meme in there somehow, right?” All these little questions that nobody could definitively answer had me so unbelievably giddy. I’ve watched multiple superhero movies since childhood and, while I enjoyed the action, my heart wasn’t in it. I thought it was a piece of me that I left behind in childhood. Boy was I wrong. The right movie just needed to come along to rekindle my joy in this character.

Spider-Man NWH was that movie for me. I needed a grown up peter that I could relate to. I needed a guy who has experienced true heartache and loss. A guy who struggles to pay rent and feels alone. This movie finally gave us a true origin story for our current Spidey. I realize why I didn’t fully appreciate Tom Holland’s portrayal of Spider-Man. I didn’t understand his motivation for being Spider-Man. He sort of popped out of nowhere and started fighting crime. The previous installments of the franchise stuck to the source material and saw Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield’s characters fight through the pain of the loss of their Uncle Ben, due to their own wrongdoing. Tom Holland’s character just felt bare. It was missing heart, I thought.

The Best Story So Far?

I’ve come to the realization that this may be the deepest version of Spider-Man yet. He’s had to deal with letting other’s down constantly throughout high school. He’s had to carry the burden of hiding his true identity and dealt with the hatred after his identity was revealed. Finally, he has to deal with loss. Not Uncle Ben, but his Aunt May. The person who has been there for him through it all. He had older, experienced Spider-Men to lead him down a better path than they took. To keep him from repeating their mistakes.

The reveal of Tobey Maguire (My Spidey!) and Andrew Garfield got my cheering like crazy, but they weren’t the stars in the end. They weren’t supposed to be. This wasn’t a Spider-Man: Through the Years Reunion. While the excitement of possibly seeing Tobey don his web slinger suit after nearly 15 years brought me to the theatre on opening night, actually seeing he and Andrew is not what made me love this film. They weren’t there for fan fare alone. They were there to teach a kid to avoid their mistakes. This was not a rehashing of the prior films. It was its own story. Sure there were some not-so-subtle winks to the viewer hinting about films of the past, but it was not overwhelmingly in your face. That is why the nostalgia was done right. It brought us together to appreciate this new generation. It was a passing of the torch that felt well-deserved. He earned it. I can appreciate Tom’s Spider-Man so much more.

My experience with this movie has made me realize and accept my nerdiness. It has made me happy to be who I am. I can’t wait to explore my newfound love of superheroes again.

Don’t forget! With great power, comes great responsibility. We’ve all got something special about us. It might just take some time to find it.

Safe travels!

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