“What motivates me?” I think that’s a question that everyone asks themselves at a certain point in life. I’m there right now and I’ve been there a while, too. I’ve been struggling to figure it out. I don’t think I’m alone in this way of thinking, but it sure feels like it most of the time. Whenever I glance at the lives of my peers, I see success and prosperity. I haven’t found that and I don’t feel it coming around the corner either. Whenever we, as people, are asked, “how are you doing?”, we’ve been pre-programmed to reply, “I’m doing well”, regardless of the truth. I find myself doing that all the time.
Well, what do I feel? I feel lost. I don’t know what I want to do in life. I followed the path I was “supposed to take”. I went to college, got a degree, started working. Maybe that’s where I went wrong! I followed a path that was laid out for me, rather than pursuing my own desires. Often times, there’s little satisfaction in that. All I did was follow directions. That’s not fun. That’s not pleasurable. I don’t feel accomplished. I looked at those around me on graduation day in 2018 and saw many excited, proud faces. I never felt that. I was confused. “Why don’t I care? Is there something wrong with me?”, I asked myself.
After a couple years of going through the motions with work and graduate school, I realized, “Damn, I don’t want to do this”. I came to the realization that I want to carve out my own path. We’re seeing a high number of individuals quitting their jobs and careers. Perhaps they’ve come to the same realization as I have throughout this pandemic with all the extra time to think. There aren’t enough years in our life to spend it unhappy.
Now comes the hard part. Figuring out what does motivate me. I like helping people and giving advice. Or, at least, sharing my personal experiences and letting people learn from them. I’ve discovered that I’m motivated to share my hardships because I know others can relate.
So that is how I ended up here. I know it’s not easy, but I finally got off my ass and started doing something on my own and creating from the heart. It’s a tough task but I’m up for it. If it breaks me and I fail, at least I made an effort. I don’t expect major financial gain (if any), but it’s fun. I look forward to doing this, and that cannot be said about a lot of other things for me.
See you around.